projecting

I hate myself. I can't put it into any other word right now. I just hate myself. I hate myself for being insecure. I hate how I look. I hate how I exist. I want to disappear. I don't matter enough, the world wouldnt be affected if I'm gone. I'm not even a main character in my own story. 

I hate myself for making you feel shitty. I hate myself for being self centered. I hate that I forget I am not the only one who feels pain. Everyone can feel pain you dumbass. You're not special. You're literally forgotten. Specifically forgotten. 

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate me. Why wasnt I born someone else? Why wasnt I born prettier? Why am I not everything I wanted to be? 

Can I die? I hate being a burden to you. I want to disappear from your life the most because I'm dragging you behind with this emotional baggage of mine. You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better. I don't deserve you. I deserve to disappear. Somebody might cry if I die so I'd like to be wiped off from everybody's memories. If, I was in anyone's memories. Which I highly doubt. Probably mama. So I hope I will be wiped off from her memories if I lose this battle. I don't want her to be sad. 

I love too much, yet I can't love myself.