𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒌𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒚

Yeah, I get it, we have differences. So what?
So what if I'm loud and you're calm? So what if I like things private and you like showing off? So what if I prefer Italian food and you prefer local cuisines?

I believe we can make it work, no matter the odds, and I think that's what matters the most.

But I'm also human, my feelings change, my mood changes from time to time. I have to admit, I'm not the one who stays in love for a long time. I love changes. I get bored easily. I'm not going to love sushi everyday all year round. I'm not going to like the colour yellow for long. I won't stick to pianos for more than two months. I dislike being committed. That is who I am. But I will not make that an excuse to leave you, not anymore.

I feel like I fall out of love sometimes. I find more reasons to dislike you everyday as we go along together. But I also will find rebuttals to these reasons, with all the times you treated me like a princess, all the stupid shit we did together, and all the lovely points you've never lost about yourself, like how you frown while you're eating, how you're very very patient with me, and how your hair looks when you just got out of bed. That is how I am certain, this is real, isn't it? I love you, but feelings change from time to time, just because we have disagreements and differences, that's all. I didn't exactly fall out of love.

I chanted everyday that I am a strong woman who needs no man, that I will be fine even if you leave. Here's my secret; I won't be fine. I'll crash, I'll burn, I'll lose myself. Because I told myself I would be fine without a man a few years ago, and when I was cheated on, I lost myself. For 2 whole years, I didn't know where to go. I didn't know who I was. I was empty.

The one thing that I learned from the years I was lost, was to love myself.

I loved myself first before knowing you. And you made me love myself even more.

I will lose myself if I lose you, but I'm pretty sure I have built a thick enough wall between me & the world, just so they won't see me break.

But.

I do hope, despite our differences, you'll try to stay, too. I will try to love the parts about you that I hate, and cherish the parts of you that I already love.

Thank you for helping me grow, Adam Alfee.