Hi!
Been a while.
Life's good. Sitting for my finals next Tuesday. Wish me luck!
I'm a bad person. I convinced people to do bad things with me. I tell them it's okay to be bad sometimes, life is not meant to be played by the rules. But lately, I'm not so sure.
I guess you can break some rules, but not the main, huge rules. The consequences are scaring me, I can't deny.
And now that I've appeared as a bad person, when I have these good intentions in me, goddamn it's just so hard to be nice. I'm afraid of what people would say about me. I'm afraid people will think I'm pretending. I'm afraid they'll think I'm trying to cover some shit I did.
I want to be a good girl again, but I have so much things that I would have to let go in order to be good.
I can't be free anymore, that's the main thing. But I also know, this freedom is not good for me. But freedom is so addictively sweet, yknow? Once you've tasted it, it's not gonna be easy to stop.
But I want to be good. I'm scared of the world ending. I'm scared of Hellfire. I'm scared of His punishments. I'm scared for my parents. I'm scared of everything. I want to stop, but it's just so hard with so many people around me.
I did try to dress more appropriately, but even my friends made fun of me. It's so hard to keep myself strong enough to be cold hearted.
How do you get through challenges like this?
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