Drawing Curtains

Been a while since I last posted huehue.

1:44 am, top bunk on the right, B134, Kolej Mutiara, UiTMJ.

Haaaa I've missed writing so much I can't even tell you how much I missed ranting in here???
But aye, I only write a hell lot of stuff when I'm sad, and I'm hardly sad since I came here, so yeah.

Life's good.
Studying is a bit lighter here, compared to how it was back in my foundation days.
Less crying during presentations, less dawdling with assignments. I made it through the first semester, kot?! Without crying??? Ok adalah break down masa week 12 ke week 13 ntah.

SEE I EVEN AMBIL KISAH ABOUT WHAT WEEK IT WAS HAA NI BUKAN AJAN YANG DULU OK??!!!

But it was a brief breakdown, and I did not just sit down and mope. I melalak, but then I got up and got everything done pergh sumpah bangga hahahaha.
If my mates already grew the fuck out of their nappies at the age of 18, I'm here still trying to take baby steps at 21. Hahaha sorry lambat matang sorry :')

Nope. Definitely not regretting Segamat. Well apart from its lack of entertainment and choice food, all is well :)

Jap jap tak habis rant lagi ni hehe.

So.
Things changed a hell lot, aye? Just two years ago, I was on the floor sobbing for the one that got away. Ok no, 14/4/2015, I was still so sure with going against my friends. I am so sorry.

Because seeing him with his new girl, doing things that he used to do with me, makes me feel like an idiot. A huge, total idiot.

Which is why I am feeling this way right now. Empty, and not 100% willing to put all of my effort into something that is uncertain.

Oh yes, I still want to be loved, I still want a person to fuss over me, spoil me & shit, but I'm not going to ask for that, because I'm not as keen as I was before this. I'm afraid, that it will be just another cycle of meaningless shit, having my time wasted. And for this reason, I will not ask for anyone to give anything to me, because I no longer have anything to offer.

I'm empty as fuck.

Prove to me, that all this will be worth the pain, worth my time, worth everything. I will not settle down entirely, until you prove to me, with concrete actions, that you really, really want me to be in your life forever.
Because I'm scared as hell. I do want to fall, but I'm scared.

And to all the people who've broken me since I first learned to love, fuck you. No matter how much good memories you guys gave me, fuck you. Because you left me. I was never the one to leave, I was always the one who got left behind and forgotten as if I never mattered. Fuck. You. For turning me into this stone cold person today.

All I wish for, is to be young and innocent all over again.
Teach me how to love properly again. Not with all these words, but with my heart.

Ah fuck, I'm a mess, aren't I?